the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
