just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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