i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
