Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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