Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
