I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
