Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
