Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
