theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
