6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
