I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
