He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am naked and annoyed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
