Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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