Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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