Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
