All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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