thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
