What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
