Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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