Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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