And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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