Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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