Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
