Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
