i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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