Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
