I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
