if i can run in heels then i can drive
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
