Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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