There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
