I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize