if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im part way to drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
