like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
