When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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