no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize