You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
