I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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