No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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