Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
