I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
