i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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