it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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