What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
