Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
