It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize