Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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