I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize