we have pet lesbian snakes
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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