and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
