Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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