when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
