you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize