We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
