i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I didn't notice because vodka
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize