do herpes really smell.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
