life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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