**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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