tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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