Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
