I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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