I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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