TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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