Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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