I heard we made out
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
