Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
