i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
