so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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