So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
