I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
