finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
