I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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