She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
