grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
