i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
