my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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