please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
