this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
