I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
