Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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