she was so not down for the gang bang
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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